- Mikey Bee
- Apr 9
- 3 min read
You must be living under a brick if you haven't heard about the success A Minecraft Movie. It's loud, it's annoying, it's in your face, and it's the number one film in the country, even outpacing Disney's lasted live action cash grab scheme, Snow White. Thanks in part to rowdy teenagers hopped up on slushies, the film grossed over $157K on it's opening weekend.
The film stars Jack Black as Steve, a mine/craft enthusiast with the personality and singing talent of ... Jack Black. The plot seems to revolve around some sort of cube shaped power orb desired by an even pig queen. She blackmails Steve into helping her after threatening to harm his hound and... you know what, this is not really a plot heavy movie. Sure there are characters with motives, like Jason Momoa's Garret, who demands pixelated diamonds to save his beloved retro video game shop, but stops short of being a true heel when he discovers the power of friendship. No one cares!
CHICKEN JOCKEY!
Either ironically or earnestly the kids love these corny catch phrases. They scream them at the top of their lungs and make a huge scene. Thankfully I was in a showing with mostly adults with young children, so I was spared this tom foolery and could enjoy the film on it's own merit. If absurdity is what tickles your funny bone, then you will have a great time. If you like to nitpick, then you might find yourself with a notebook filled with gripes.
FLINT AND STEEL!
Would I still have a positive take-away if I had to endure the madness of 12-16 years olds causing a ruckus? NO! I think I would have been so annoyed, at least for my first go around. Heck maybe I would get in on the hoopla the second or third time around. Films are meant to be experienced, and this is at it's core an experience that transcends mere spectacle.
I YEARNED FOR THE MINES
What is this movie? Really? well it's a collection lines, gags, easter eggs, refences and strange noises. This is nothing new. Most Marvel movies are ranked by how many callbacks and winks and nods it has. Minecraft steps it up to the next level and throws all pretense away. You don't need a compelling story when you have blocky, green, exploding creepers and hot lava chicken with a catchy song to boot.
So is what it's gonna be like now? Screaming and shouting and acting a fool? Yeah, and it's only going to get crazier. Studios love it because their dumb nephews could piece together a billon dollar movie with minimum effort and a sprinkling of secret Ai. Movie theaters will love the increased foot traffic and concession sales, but absolutely be mortified with the clean up and complaints. Lastly, the average movie goer might find themselves between a rock and hard place. Do they dare risk taking their children to The Minions 7 or The Skibidi Toilet Movie? They might have to disappoint little Jimmy and Jenny while they wait the four months it takes to come to streaming.
The fun is back people! All sectors of the film industry are struggling, so why not make candy-coated, hyperactive, snuff film for people to rave and mosh to? Release the beast! So for the next film by Nolan, Eastwood, or Scorsese, make sure you dress up in an outlandish costume, bring your homies, buy an extra large popcorn and trash the joint!
Welcome Back Cinema !!
-Mikey Bee (do ya like jazz)